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Salmon 560
August 15th- August 17th

 
He Said ... She Said
 
This weekend's wrap-up is a little different from that of past wrap-ups.  Since Saturday night was Sean's bachelor party, there were definitely two different perspectives on this past weekend.   "He said" was written by Seth, and "She said" was written by Jen and editted by Jess S.
 
I think by reading the 2 different versions, one can start to see the fundamental differences between the sexes.  Women are very wordy and caty, while the guys stick to the simple highlights.   However, kudos to Jen in her first weekend wrap-up appearance.   I think you actually out wrote me this week.   Very funny!
 
Enjoy.... 

HE SAID
 

Friday

 

I arrived at the beachhouse around 2:30, after some heavier than usual parkway traffic, a stop at dairy queen and a stalled, overheated sebring on the corner of Salmon and 3rd.   Kathy had beat me by about 60 minutes, and lucky for her, got to help me get my overheated sebring to the local mechanic.   After that side trip and a phone call to Cameo cakes, Anthony and Denise arrived to join the party.  Kathy and I went outside to play some Scrabble, while Anthony and Denise discussed Denises' trip to the beach.   We ordered dinner from Riverside.  

 

Rick and Noreen arrived next, followed by Jen and Jess S.  A few beers on the porch, and those 4 headed to eat at Riverside.  Andrew and Marisa arrived shortly after and headed to Riverside to meet up with the rest of the bunch.    While Kathy, Anthony and I continued to sip some suds, I filmed my (now) critically acclaimed documentary.   Pam and Michele arrived around 9, and joined the fun.  After some debate, the plan for evening was FAXed out.   It would be Edgars.   Andrew, Rick and myself stayed home, while the girls (including Anthony) all headed over to Edgars for a night of sweaty dancing with married men.   Rick soon headed off to bed, while Andrew and I filmed ourselves playing Yahtzee.   

 

The Edgars crew eventually filed back home after some hours of apparent drinking.  Jen and Jess S. (the quiet ones) decided to wake up each person in the house individually, and in the process broke the bed in the upstairs romantic suite.   Sweet.   The house eventually headed to bed around 3am, after J&J passed out.

 

Saturday

 

We awoke on Saturday to mostly cloudy skies.   I think it was the first cloudy morning that we had seen since....oh....that morning.  Beth and Kathleen even showed up!  People eventually started to arise and begin the morning tasks.  For most that was getting coffee and breakfast, but for the running nazi's, Bryan and Jess F., that meant a light 15 mile jog.   Rick headed north to pick up the van for use later that night for Sean's bachelor party.   Bob and Dave arrived at the house with their golf clubs, ready for a day on the links.   Eventually the man of hour (Sean) arrived, and we piled into the great white van and headed south.  

 

We arrived at the Bey Lea golf course, only 30 minutes after our scheduled tee-time.   After a quick check-in we teed off.   The highlight of the golf round was probably the passing thunderstorm on hole number 7.   We thought of the rest of the housemates back at the beach.   Apparently there was several games being played, consisting of drinking Yahtzee and 3 hour Scrabble.   The golf crew eventually met back up with the non-golf crew at the beachhouse, and the boys showered, changed, and loaded into the great white van for the trip up to NYC.   We pulled out of the driveway to all the girls waving at us from the upper deck.  

 

On the way up to NYC, we played some porno MadLibs, puppet boxing, and eventually some poker.   Apparently rows 1 and 2 didn't keep a close enough eye on row 3, which explains their sudden win streak once it got dark out.   We eventually arrived at the restaurant in the city for our much anticipated MEAT dinner.   The dinner was excellent.   The meat was juicy and tender as they kept slicing fresh meat on to our plates.   Eventually one by one, the green coasters turned red and the meal was complete.   Apparently the highlight of the dinner was the $40 bet for me to eat the wad of meat Andrew had started to chew and then spit onto the plate.   Needless-to-say, my meal cost $40 less than everyone elses!  

 

After dinner we headed to a local hot-spot for the real bachelor party.   And as they say, "What happens at a bachelor party, stays at the bachelor party."   We left NYC around 3:30am, and Rick drove the drunken fools all the way back to Salmon560.   Big ups to Rick for staying sober and driving us!!   After some attempts to convince Rick to try to roll the van, some funny chants, the non-driving partiers, almost on cue passed out in our bench seats.    We arrived back at the house to a house-full of sleeping women.   Of course we decided to wake everyone up.   After a few interesting discussions, the eyelids began to close.  By 6:30am, the house was silent.

 

 

Sunday

 

After about 3 hours of sleep, I awoke to a cloudy sky.   Today was Bobs 40th Surprise Bob-B-Q.   After the house started to muster about, the Bob-B-Q shopping crew (Kathy, Marisa and Seth), headed out to ShopRite for supplies.   Some housemates were left in charge of decorations, and other picked up the cake and ice.   After picking up the food and drink, we headed back to setup for the party.  

 

The party guest slowly arrived, and before we knew it, Bob arrived around 2:30 to a deck of singing friends.   I said a few nice words, wished Bob a happy 40th and the Bob-B-Q was on.   The beer flowed, the burgers and dogs were grilled, and various mayonaise-based salads were consumed.  Dave took the full force of the verbal assaults with constant flare-ups of herpes jokes.   Jen and Seth shared the physical assaults with their in-prompt cake fight.  (In which Jen started.)  Pam smoked a cigarette.  (congrats Pam, you made it!)  The party continued into the night for several housemates due to vacation days on Monday. 

 

Jess F. arrived back from her picnic with UD alum Amy in tow.  The West Caldwell ladies headed out to Leggetts while the rest of us watched Andrew and Marisa do various impressions of poopie and vomit.    My favorite was Marisa's "Baby pooping in diaper and then thrown on mothers cheek."   The lack of sleep eventually took over and we retreated to the comforts of our beds before the clock struck midnight.

 

 

Monday

 

It was a relatively crowded house for a non-holiday Monday.   And finally, we had a nice beach day.   The remaining crew (Andrew, Anthony, Amy, Denise, Jess F., Kathleen, Kathy, Marisa, and Seth) all relaxed on the beach appreciating their day off from work.   Gretchen was down, but couldn't pull herself away from stealing old doors from our neighbors to build the "Dino Derby" drinking game with her friend Maria.   After some hours on the sand, we headed back to the house.   Andrew was called up from the bench, and treated us to some grilled dogs and burgers  We inhaled the rest of the food leftover from the Bob-B-Q.   After some clean-up we all headed to DQ for some blizzards.   (There's always room for ice cream.)  Some housemates parted from there and others returned to the house for one more game of Yahtzee.   Congrats to Kathy for the come from behind victory and congrats to Denise to fighting back the tears from her rookie debut.

SHE SAID
 

Disclaimer: This is by far the worst wrap up yet (cue: lower expectations).  Props to Seth, Kathy and Andrew who came before me.  May your wrap-up wisdom bestow upon me. (Note to self: bestow- good scrabble word if 'w' falls on triple letter score-oh yeah no one will play with me ever again.)  Additionally, this wrap up is focused on me and Jess S. because we are bitter for never getting mentioned in prior wrap-ups AND for being called the quiet ones. This is dedicated to A. F.- without you this wrap up would not be possible. Finally-Special thanks to Jess S, without who's editorial skills, this would be at least 2 pages longer!!  Finally, Happy Birthday Noreen.

 

FRIDAY

 

Hot, Hot, Hot, and some were not

Friday was a play day in the city thanks to the blackout.  I jumped in my car to rescue Jessica from the darkness.  The "cool" area of city (where Jess lives) remained unelectric for 18 hours more than the rest of the city-including Harlem, go figure.  Typical of our weekend drives down the shore, we discussed world peace, politics, dinner plans (BK or Riverside?), shortcut 8A on the Turnpike and who of our beloved housemates has a tail.

           

Shortcuts avoided, energy levels at volume 11, and a general feeling of oppression (similar to that of a crack-head searching for a fix) from being locked in an apt for 12 hours, with no lights, no cable, and no water; we were eager to shower for the first time in 2 days (note to self:  I had showered, Jess smelled.)  As we strolled into 560 Salmon in record time, making all exits, turns (and uturns) with extreme precision, the obvious potential for finding hot guys and a cold Amstel in the fridge titillated our every thought. 

 

Friday night pre-party at 560 Salmon was hotter than ever.  Residual controversy from last week's conversation with J Fo. was steamy - we'll refer to this as Anthony's insecurity/jealousy of Bob's rock hard abs.  i.e. He was pissed that I thought Bob could beat him up.  Denise was confused.  I don't think she has a link to the 560 Salmon website.  Why would she?  Which made me think, "Which guests do have access to the beach house website?"

 

Sometime that evening, Seth found Anthony's camcorder.  Flickers of Oscar potential raced through his head as he reached for the camera to begin his nightlong documentary.  Admittedly, the first docu-drama was pretty good. The best part was when Andrew accidentally sprayed himself with the faucet, which Seth skillfully caught on tape. Yes, Anthony, Seth, Jess and I got you.  And it was funny! To my peeps in the hiz-zouse, a shout out to Seth!  To Anthony-Regardless if the lens is clean, do not look into Seth's eyes - you might turn into a Meterosexual....wait a minute....aren't you one already?  That night, Seth stayed home while we all left for Edgars so that he and Andrew could film yet another documentary; this one on the art of Yahtze.  Losers.

 

Why are the hot ones always married?

The house rallied.  Energy on high, we overcame the evil instinct to go Leggetts and called that cab to venture on the road less traveled to Edgars. (Note to self: must go to more than two bars at beach ... probably not possible.)  Jess S. was a on a mission for men.  The beer was flowin, the music pumpin, success was in the air.  The girls of Salmon 560 (and Anthony) pumped and grinded on the dance floor.   We formed a dancing circle of hottie girls (and Anthony) on the dance floor.  At one point, a demented guy came knocking through our circle and began to mosh with various housemates.  I was about to kick him in the nuts when I realized that Anthony was nowhere in sight.  Where the hell is Anthony when you need him?

 

As the night progressed and the numbers began to dwindle, the last three housemates remained.  Noreen and I were eyeing a nice married cop for Jess to hook up with and she took the bait. Success.  Unfortunately, Jess was not thrilled with the whole married thing, so she ended things right there.  Their future was over; no ring, no kids and no romantic trips to back to Edgars to bask in their glory days.

 

Noodie, Jess and I stumbled home around 2, to find a house full of sleeping roommates.  Our weekend of destruction was about to begin.  We quickly moved to wake everyone up.  I jumped on Seth, Jess jumped on Andrew and Marisa; all of who were sitting quietly on the couch.  We then preceded to head upstairs.  I must admit that I was a little drunk at this point and some of the details are foggy.  I know I fed some housemates cheerios, one by one.  And I know that we jumped on Kathy's bed, woke up Bryan and Jess, and we jumped on Rick's bed to wake him. But I don't remember the plank breaking and the bed thumping to the ground and Rick getting really pissed off at me and me thinking Noreen hated me.  That part is foggy. 

 

SATURDAY

 

Early Morning eggs

The boys awoke to find Kathy reading her book on the couch, at god knows what hour in the morning.  I did not witness this myself, but this is how I always imagine weekend mornings.  Earlier in the summer, when I had jetlag was the only morning that I myself have woken up before Kathy.  The boys were definitely up second because they had to primp and prepare for their day of golf before their big night on the town.  Once again Salmon 560 was filled with girls only; the estrogen was raging.  Bryan and Andrew also remained.  Apparently they suck at golf. 

 

As usual, there was some type of scurry to get breakfast and since the weather once again sucked, we decided to go to Atlantis diner.  Supposedly the fajita omelets are tre-good.  I had the garden omelet.  Jess had the eggs benedict. Kathy and Andrew had the fajita omelet.  Michele had the pancakes.  Pam had the French toast and Marisa had the Greek omelet. (If you ever go back-you will know who to ask for a particular food recommendation.)

 

Yah! Its Game time, baby

We returned back home to 560 Salmon to begin a game of scrabble on the porch.  I will not bore you with details; I bored enough people at game time! It was Andrew's first game ever, and probably his last.  From what I hear, he would rather eat Seth's regurgitated meat than play scrabble with me again. Hmmm.  All I have to say is I WON!!!! Hah!!  Did you know (clue to Seth to add in the "Did you know" section), the word Jess means fasten the legs of a hawk or that Jenny means female donkey or that Michele means....i can't remember.

 

Despite the weather looking like a storm, Beth and Kathleen went boating on their friend's speed boat.  There was much talk about how Kathleen manages to have many, many boys in her life.  I think we are all jealous.  Why don't we all have boy friends with fast boats?

 

The boys returned from golf, showered and hopped in the Van.

 

The night had just begun. 

 

Because its ladies night...

We danced to 80's beats, enjoyed a quick pillow fight, showered three by three in the outdoor shower, did a few shots of Amstel and were off to Edgars.  Beth picked up a couple hotties.  Marisa shook her booty.  The girls of 560 Salmon had truly gone wild.  Edgars was hot, hot, hot!  And I mean, temperature hot.  I was a sweaty mess, soaking wet (think Jennifer Beals, ala Flashdance, "Maniac" scene.) By the way, anyone else get a look at the girl wearing the pink hooker pants with the bikini top? I guess the guys weren't the only ones who spent Saturday night with strippers! Craziness. The night wore on, I had sweated out most of the beer I had drunk, and Kathy, Marisa and I decided to head home.  After some pizza and veggie stromboli, the three of us showered (together of course).  I highly recommend showering under the moonlight after a night dancing at Edgars.  Finally, we slept.

 

I woke up at various points in the night.  In chronological order, this is what woke me up:  Michele and Pam walked in with some guy named Keith. Jess entered and fell asleep.  The boyz came back from their night of debauchery, reeking of meat.  Finally, Beth entered and joined Andrew and Marisa in bed.  Beth said "Regina". Jess complained that her stomach hurt.  Seth answered by calling for "Epinephrine, stat!"  Andrew and Marisa said Mehet and Rahole.  At some point, I think Denise was in our room aggressively asserting that she does not instigate fights with Anthony, and Seth told her not to be stupid. Come to think of it, maybe this happened Saturday morning. The days seem to roll into one another.  It was 5am, and the night was foggy, but I remember laughing a lot; more than usual for that time in the morning. 

 

SUNDAY

 

The big 4-0

Sunday morning, the house didn't wake up until 10am - a solid 5 hours of sleep! If you haven't been keeping track, this is really late, especially when we had to finish planning Bob's birthday party.  We finished getting ready with time to spare (Bob was late).  I personally decided that coffee at the coffee bar and breakfast at the Riverside was a huge priority.  Michele agreed.

 

Bob arrived and was truly surprised.  "What happened to Demolition Derby, and where did all these balloons come from?", he wondered.  Dave came down with a nasty case of herpes (what was he doing with the strippers last night?). To ensure that everyone got our names straight, Jess and I were given new nicknames. She will now be referred to as "Prince-sass" and you may now call me "A** Face". Cake was served, and a cake fight ensued. We'll blame Seth for instigating (doesn't he always?). And somehow, Seth and I ended up in the shower together.  Apparently he too made a wish on Bob's candles.  Wish granted!

 

In summation, a good time was had by all. There is certainly more to tell and more names to drop.  If you weren't mentioned, it does not mean that I hate you.  There was simply too much to say about Jess and me, and not enough room for you.  Better luck next week!